Pay it now, or pay it later, 'cause it's gonna be paid!

All we humans, every dang one of us, wants to be able to slip by at least some of the difficulties that life poses. Why wouldn't we? And if we can find legitimate shortcuts, why not? However, for the most part, it ain't gonna happen, as we typically get what we pay for, both literally, which requires no explanation, and figuratively, which is what my essay is about. Basically, whatever we get out of life will be matched by what we put into it.

Examples abound. A most basic one is we have to sacrifice some along the way in order to achieve even moderate savings, as we go down the road. As is often heard, if we don't also pay ourselves as well as others, it just won't happen.

And even though attaining higher education doesn't guarantee more success in the world regardless of how we measure it, yet overall, the statistics don't lie in this regard, both in the amount of money we can make in our lifetimes, plus the extra quality of life. Nevertheless, to complete higher education means that we have to put in the time, money and effort to see it through as it is a long tedious task.

If athletes don't train properly, their end results are likely to be less than stellar as well. I remember my high school basketball coach saying to us, "Boys, the will to win is useless without the will to prepare." Something else that would have helped at least a little might have been if he had informed us that the purpose of running us to near death (or so it seemed) every day was that we might have a better chance to win in the fourth quarter since we would be in such good shape. I thought he was doing it as punishment, because he often didn't seem to like us very much. I think it was later that Vince Lombardi made his famous quote, "Fatigue makes cowards out of everyone." Oh, well, we paid it then AND later as well!

Then consider more personal examples, beginning with family stuff. In marriage, most individuals start out very engaged, but as time passes, one or both frequently become more involved in work or other pursuits and the marriage suffers. Quite often then, since the once vibrant marriage was not nurtured, the couple find themselves thunderstruck because one or the other is involved in an extramarital relationship, or resolution of conflict becomes almost impossible, or perhaps even worse, they don't even fight anymore because either or both have stopped caring. I don't know any marriage counselor that is able to put zest back into a relationship that has died, as there is no energy to work with! Give me conflict any day over apathy! Must mean I have a really good marriage as my sweet wife won't let me get away with anything and can sometimes be quite noisy about it!

As we continue to live longer, many of us find ourselves dealing with diseases of various kinds because we haven't given our bodies proper nutrition through the years. Some of the reason for this is lack of discipline, whereas another reason is that we just frankly haven't known what we were doing, as the cultural western diet has seemed normal. We pay enormous prices for this later because we didn't pay it earlier when it would have been so much easier. Count me in this group as I am seeing the writing on the wall, and sometimes it appears in BOLD PRINT. I am changing now, but it would have been much easier years ago.

Finally, let's consider the area of parenting. Even though there is no guarantee that our kids will turn out great even if we parent very well, it still remains that the odds are more likely that they will if we are very present in a caring (not indulging!) way in their lives as they grow up. So often I see it in my office, an 18-year-old has gone off the deep end via drugs, alcohol or other destructive behavior, and the dad, who was mostly at work, is absolutely mystified because he can't understand why his son is so angry and screwed up. I have even heard some of these characters deflect criticism by saying, "Well, it has to be my wife's fault, as I wasn't there." Now ain't that an honorable position!

I don't have room in an 800 word column to list more examples, but the principle will never change. If we pay our dues early, it is not nearly as difficult as it is when we try to pick up the pieces after a crash.

Doug Smith is a licensed professional counselor. Contact him at 972-436-6227, doug@ccclewisville.com or visit his website at ccclewisville.com)

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