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Are you an outdoor redneck? Here’s a test
BY Luke Clayton, Special to Star Local News
I’ve never really thought of myself as a redneck, but my wife recently developed a test of sorts that I’ve found to be pretty much foolproof.
After subjecting myself to her series of delving questions, I’ve tested positive.
I am a bonafide outdoor redneck and I might add, darn proud of it.
Does your lawn art include several life-size deer or archery targets?
This is a dead give away.
If you test positive on this count, no need to continue the test – you are an outdoor redneck.
This question ranked high on my wife’s quiz. About 60 yards behind our house are two whitetail buck 3D targets and two hog targets, each occupying a spot in the dense brush, which I left natural because I wanted to “to keep the habitat as natural as possible to duplicate a bow shot in the woods where I hunt.”
Three-dimensional targets within sight of home equate redneck.
Do you have your taxidermist’s cell number on your refrigerator?
If you are a sure-nuff outdoor redneck, chances are pretty good you have a taxidermist upon whom you’ve instilled a great deal of confidence.
You look at him with the same esteem a health nut views his or her personal trainer, with the admiration a Kung Fu student might have for his teacher.
You have his number on speed dial and are known to make frequent calls during breaks at work inquiring, “Do you think that last buck I brought in should be mounted with a straight-on sneak mount or have him turning slightly to the left?” Your taxidermist is the most important professional in your life. Having your taxidermist on speed dial is not proof positive you are a closet redneck, but chances are good you at least have the potential to become one.
Do you have more camouflage clothes in your closet than street clothes?
This is one of the test questions I failed (assuming failing equates to not qualifying as a redneck). But several plastic containers filled with my camouflage occupy space in the closet shared by my wife.
If you consider Hank Williams Jr’s song, “A country boy can survive,’ your personal anthem, you definitely qualify.
If you think a drive on your electric ATV down to the gravel pits to look for hog tracks constitutes as a romantic evening out with your wife …
If every TV in your house it set to record “A Hunter’s Life with Larry Weishuhn,” you might qualify as an outdoor redneck.
If you can prepare a big aluminum pan of crispy fried catfish fillets in 30 minutes or less from start to finish, you have the training necessary to become an outdoor redneck.
If there are enough guns on your property to arm a platoon of marines, you qualify.
If you can, off the top of your head, come up with at least five reasons on a Friday evening why you must head to the deer lease for the weekend, you qualify. These might include, “The ranch owner turns 80 this Saturday and we are planning a campfire birthday dinner for him,” or “Joe, one of the lease members, just got out of the hospital and I must accompany him to make sure we get the new timer installed on his deer feeder.”
If you can accurately emulate the sounds made by a love-sick turkey hen, a bull elk in rut or a gadwall drake and differentiate the sounds made overhead by passing flights of snow, white front and Canada geese, you qualify as an outdoor redneck.
If your garage has become a storehouse for canoes, paddles, rod and reels, duck decoys, trolling motors and trotlines rather than you automobile …
If you are aware that rib-eye in the sky refers to meat from the Sandhill Crane …
If you have more Lodge cast-iron cookware stowed in the garage than your wife has pots and pans in her kitchen …
If you are a true outdoor redneck, at any given time, you are sure to have at least one unused gift card from Bass Pro Shop in your billfold.
Well, you get the idea.
There is a big difference between a run-of-the-mill redneck and an outdoor Redneck.
Hopefully this quiz will help you determine if you qualify as a member of a very prestigious group of sportsmen. If you find that you are lacking, just stick around Texas a bit longer as there is no shortage of experienced trainers to make sure you become properly inducted.
Catfish patterns changing
Up until a week or so ago, trophy blue catfish were on a dependable bite on area lakes.
With the earlier than normal spring warm-up, experienced catfish anglers are catching fewer of the big blues and more channel catfish.
This phenomenon usually occurs each year around the beginning of April.
Regardless where you fish, windy shorelines are prime spots to target, especially after a day or two of a steady wind. Shallow water warms up faster than deep, and wind and wave action pushes baitfish up close to the bank. Try anchoring a long cast from the bank and target the outside edge of shoreline brush and weed beds. You will find that some of the bigger fish this time of year often come from water three feet or less deep. Prepared stink baits work best for catching channel catfish and a little soured grain tossed into the area helps to congregate fish quicker.
I’ve been catching good numbers of channel catfish using Uncle Josh Little Stinker Blood Bait squeezed into their teardrop lures. The bait is contained in a squeeze tube and the teardrop lure has openings into which the blood bait is inserted. The smell of the blood in the bait attracts the catfish and the squeeze tube keeps the scent off your hands.
When fishing shallow water, I’ve been rigging a float above the teardrop, keeping them just up from bottom. Light strikes are much easier to detect using this method.
Listen to Outdoors with Luke Clayton at: catfishradio.com. Email Luke via the website with hunting and fishing news from your area.
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